


The Stories That Fill Up My Heart

by Ginny41



Category: IZONE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Light Angst, Temporary Amnesia, squint for side ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27793606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ginny41/pseuds/Ginny41
Summary: Minjoo woke up to a white room and a blank mind, having as company only the sleepy stranger her brain couldn’t recognize, but her heart ached for.
Relationships: Kim Chaewon (IZONE)/Kim Minju
Comments: 4
Kudos: 68





	The Stories That Fill Up My Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mint](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mint/gifts).



> Prompt by @egghycok recommended by @eyeson2kim on twitter, thanks for it! Of course, I changed things around to fit my personal taste/2kim agenda.

Minjoo had bandages covering her hands – oddly, it was the first thing she noticed as she opened her eyes, the light hurting the brown orbs and making her squint and try to turn away from the tall windows. The second thing she noticed, as soon as her eyes adjusted to the strong light, was the fact that she was staying in a large room, white covering its walls and grey dominating the shiny floor, flowers were the only things bringing some color to it. It was a hospital, of course, she could tell it easily by the characteristic smell, albeit she couldn’t recall why she would be there in the first place.

She blinked as she stared at her own hands, touching the bandages gently with her fingers. It was weird, she didn’t feel any pain, but there was an odd, unnatural feeling in the back of her mind as if her brain was suddenly covered in cotton and she could only perceive half of the things around her, as if it was blocking her feelings – this feeling would follow her for the weeks to come, and she would eventually realize it may be worse than any physical pain.

Her eyes inspected the room, looking for something – anything – that could tell her the reason why she was There now, instead of back home in...Her breath hitched as she realized she couldn’t recall what her home looked like or where it was located either, or even who was there waiting for her – if there was anyone.

 **“Pretty unnie, you are awake!”** A child, who could not be older than ten, exclaimed as she stormed inside the room to come to Minjoo’s meeting with curious eyes and an infectious smile that showed deep dimples on her cheeks. **“How are you feeling? Does your head hurt? Do you want some meds? They gave me some, but they taste like...ew! The doc said it’s good for you though!”** She said in a rapid succession of words that Minjoo could barely understand, the kid was sitting by the edge of the bed as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

 **“Yujin, keep it down.”** A young woman reprehended, her voice gentle but firm as she came closer to give Minjoo a smile. **“Miss Kim, forgive the kid, she likes to accompany me around the hospital and she seems to have grown fond of you.”** The nurse explained, helping Yujin out of the bed. **“How are you feeling?”**

 **“Where am I? I mean, why am I here?”** Minjoo answered instead, feeling a sense or urgency now. Again, why couldn’t she recall a single face, a single name or event? She knew who she was, but not where she came from or how she lived.

Taking a hand to her head, she touched it as if searching for something but of course it was of no use.

As if she was expecting it, the nurse provided her with all the relevant information as she also skillfully checked for her vitals. Apparently Minjoo was there for two days now, having woken up a few times for a couple of minutes just to go back to deep sleep – the nurse said it was normal, since she was medicated and needed to rest –, she was involved in a car crash, but apparently hadn’t suffered any serious injuries. Yet, when she asked the nurse why she couldn’t recall any of it, the nurse was silent – and Minjoo could tell by the look in her eyes that something was off.

The nurse, Cher or Cherry like Yujin liked to call her, asked for her to wait a bit because the doctor was coming to check on her – leaving Minjoo in the company of a smiley Yujin who was busy poking her hands and asking her questions she had no answers for; still, somehow, being around the kid made things a little better, maybe because Yujin smiled so much and carried such a genuine innocent aura with her.

She tried to listen to the kid, as her eyes wander around the room, noticing the nurse that was now tending to the other patient there, someone who laid on their bed peacefully as the woman checked on them – Minjoo could barely see anything beside the dark hair against the pillow and a face that was almost as pale as the sheets; seeing that person made her chest heavy, giving her a strange urge to get up and go to see them up close. But at the same time, it also made her heart clench inside her chest and prompted to avert her gaze, it was a feeling that almost resembled guilt.

Just who that person was?

She squinted her eyes, feeling a pang inside her mind as she tried to search for answers but everything was just a blur – blur people and places, as if someone had just painted over her memories, leaving behind the messy result; right now, she could only remember sitting in her room as a child and listening to her mom saying good night…She was definitely not a child anymore.

 **“Miss Kim? I’m doctor Lyn. The nurse told me you are having trouble recalling some things…”** The doctor’s voice interrupted her thoughts and she was forced to focus on the woman, listening to her words and answering what felt like thousands of questions – for almost every single one, she didn’t have an answer.

* * *

What should you expect from having amnesia? Well, for Minjoo it was boring and frustrating.

The doctors would ask her so much stuff, then she would need to go through several tests that never really showed any relevant results and then she would have to deal with the fact that she was stuck in a hospital with little to no knowledge of who she was and what she would do once she was out of there.

Of course, eventually she received a few visitants – a loud group of people, who claimed to be her friends and looked like a bunch of kids crying and hugging her while she could smile weakly and nodded to everything they said; there was also her family, but well her family was another issue. She could, somewhat, recognize her mother’s voice, but she didn’t recognize the face marked by the years and tears and she had to do her best to comfort the woman and return the hugs – she didn’t have the heart to not do it. At least she still recalled the woman, if it was a much younger version of her.

She wished she could say she remembered anything relevant, but all her brain seemed to focus on was replaying random scenes of her childhood that looked like a badly edited blurry movie. The doctor said it was a self-defense mechanism to help her heal – she didn’t feel protected being so clueless to the world.

It didn’t help no one seemed to be telling her much, they would comment about how she worked as a photographer since she loved photography and how much of a great friend she was – very generic descriptions that lacked the detail she earned for. They would say she would know in its due time, but she wasn’t blind to ignore a certain very unnerving detail: every single one of her visitants also would greet the other patient in the room, behind closed curtains they would talk to the sleep person and she would notice the red eyes after they came out.

Yet, not one would bother mentioning the other woman – a woman she learned was called Chaewon by reading the board by the end of her bad –, someone who should be around her age and who had sharp, very familiar, features that weren’t affected by the accident. The person who she couldn’t even look at directly without feeling the weight inside her chest and a sharp headache.

 **“Yena.”** She finally asked one day. One of her friends, the one that looked like a duck and would always bring a bunch of food only to be scolded by the nurses, who was sitting by her side as Yuri had disappeared behind the curtain to talk to the other patient. **“Who is that girl? Please, just tell me the truth for once.”** It wasn’t like her to be rude, but it’s been a week and she was starting to feel really uncomfortable with it – she even thought about asking to go home with her mother already, yet she couldn’t just do it when she felt guilty every time the doctor would come to check on the sleepy girl just to leave with a grave expression. **“What did I do to her?”**

What if she had caused the car crash? What if that girl was a poor victim? Or an innocent friend she accidentally involved in her own problems? None of the things that ran through her mind were good, all of them just making it even harder for her to sleep at night.

Yena hesitated, her face contracting as if she was trying to control her expression. **“The doctor said it would be better if you just-”**

 **“The doctor isn’t stuck here feeling lost and empty!”** Minjoo said, confessing her feelings. She reached out to hold onto Yena’s coat before the other woman could run away – probably looking for Yuri, the coward duck. **“I feel so stupid and useless. Please, Yena, you said you were my friend. Don’t I deserve the truth?”**

Grimacing, Choi let out a sigh. She would surely be in trouble for talking too much, but Minjoo had a good point and she couldn’t help but think she would want to know the truth if she was in her place.

“ **I don’t know if it will make you feel better.”** It was a quiet warning, yet Minjoo didn’t waver and Yena was forced to sit down again before continuing to speak. “ **You didn’t do anything to her, she was the one driving. It was an accident, heavy rain and all that.”** Taking a break, she chose carefully her next words. Although she doubted there was an easy way of saying it.

 **“Minjoo, Chaewon and you well...You guys were together for a while, you wanted to get married but it was complicated because her family is...difficult.”** Yena was making it sound better than reality – the reality of Chaewon’s mom not accepting Minjoo and throwing a tantrum in the most cliché way, alleging she deserved someone better and pretty much threatening to dishonor Chaewon if she insisted on the idea of marrying the younger Kim. The day of the accident the couple was travelling back to the city, determined to get married as soon as possible, with or without Chae’s family consent. Minjoo’s mother even argued with Chaewon’s mom after the accident, shaming her for causing the disaster – Yena couldn’t even feel bad for the woman, albeit she wondered if she would ever come back. **“We didn’t know how to tell you.”**

If before Minjoo felt like her brain was numb, now she could feel her whole body going cold, a bitter taste in her mind as a single word went through her mind – her own name, said by a very sweet and familiar voice, as if she was calling her right now. Covering her mouth with a hand, Minjoo tried to contain tears she didn’t know she was holding back, her heart beating fast as she avoided looking in the direction of the woman she now knew meant so much for her.

She still couldn’t remember anything, but why did it still hurt so much?

 **“Is s-she…”** Swallowing her tears, she tried to speak. Chaewon had been sleeping for a week now, she didn’t need to be a doctor to know it wasn’t normal. **“What will happen to her?”**

Yena didn’t reply right away – and it was telling enough. They didn’t know, they couldn’t possibly know.

Only wait, and waiting in the dark could be rather cruel.

* * *

* * *

Minjoo was scared, probably more scared than she had ever been – from the few memories she managed to remember at least. It’s been over two weeks now, almost three weeks where she went through all sorts of emotions inside the walls of that hospital room, hiding her face on the pillow at night so she could cry quietly and forcing a smile on her face during the days to appease her loved ones.

She could remember the most basic things about herself now: the schools she went to, what she liked to eat and do, how she developed her love for photography…But it still wasn’t much, most of her adult life was still a mystery to herself. She knew what people told her, about how she worked with Yuri in a studio and she and Chaewon had met while they were both in college – once in a while she would get flashbacks from moments she lived back then, yet they were like quick a succession of pictures that didn’t allow her to understand it’s context entirely.

Especially when it involved Chaewon.

Her gaze would always travel to the girl who slept soundly at the other end of the room, chest heavy and eyes burning with unreleased tears – it wasn’t her fault, she knew it, many people had told her by now; still, she couldn’t help but to feel guilty. Guilty for being there, wide awake, yet unable to remember all the precious moments they had shared, and give Chaewon the support she needed now. Deep down, inside the many compartments of her heart, the memories of her love for the older Kim was safely kept, however she had lost the key to open it.

Now, when she would look at Chaewon, her chest hurt, yet it was a bittersweet feeling. Her body and heart, somehow remained connected to the sleepy girl, but her mind was still empty of memories.

All she knew about Chaewon was told by her friends. Chaewon worked as a physical therapist, she was intelligent and talented, witty and kind; according to Yuri, Minjoo had fell in love with her at first sight and the feeling was mutual, it only took them a few days to be all over each. They were the kind of couple that was always together and never got tired of each other, growing closer instead.

However, all those things didn’t mean much when they were only words, instead of emotions – Chaewon was playful and smirked a lot? She had never seen her smile to know how it looked like; Chaewon liked to sing and she was so good at it? All Minjoo knew about her voice was the single word that reverberated through her mind daily; Chaewon was her first and only love? Now all she could associate to the girl was the pain of this situation…

The truth was, at least according to the doctors, she was perfectly healthy, and aside from the lack of memories everything else was normal. The doctors even told her that she could go home, but she had faked a dizziness as an excuse to stay a bit longer.

She could barely sleep there, where she was able to see Chaewon all the time. If she was at home, she would be constantly worried about...About what? The possibility of something bad happening to Chaewon while she wasn’t there? Or wake up all of sudden to see Minjoo had left her? Maybe her guilt was so strong, that now she felt this need to show her girlfriend some loyalty, even if her memories had failed her.

Not that being there would be of much use. At the moment, the doctors seemed clueless about Chaewon’s state and this was never a good sign. They would say things like ‘give her time to recover’ or ‘her brain activity is good’, when it meant very little to nothing to Minjoo and the others. It was simple: Chaewon could wake up at any minute, next week or next month, or maybe never. And albeit the idea of having to face her scared Minjoo, the possibility of losing Chaewon was much scarier, to the point that she caught herself waking up in the middle of the night to check on her.

She would just sit by her side and watch her for a couple of minutes, waiting for something to happen – of course, nothing ever did. And she would just be left there, in the dark, staring at Chaewon’s face that only grew paler by the day.

It made her wonder if she would ever meet Chaewon again, if in the end she would remember her as only the still figure on that hospital bed and the sound of that single word inside her mind. And then what would it be of her? How could she go back, alone, to a life she no longer knew?

That night, after everyone had left and she got tired of faking smiles, she took her seat beside Chaewon in the small chair near the bed. As always, her eyes inspected Chaewon’s monitors first to make sure everything was alright – she didn’t have any medical knowledge but by now she had memorized all the numbers –, then the girl’s face as she looked for anything different. Chaewon still looked like a modern snow white, with her deep dark hair and fair skin, breath shallow and a calm expression – even the small cuts on her face from the accident were gone now. She was a pretty, yet eerie view, just like a ghost.

Minjoo took in a deep breath, her hand reaching to touch the sheets near Chaewon’s hand – she wanted to touch her, but she never really did it. Maybe because she was afraid the skin under her fingers would be stone cold, that it would be as lifeless as the white sheets of that bed. It made no sense, yet the thought just made her so uneasy.

 **“Hey, Chaewon. The others went home, so it’s only the two of us again.”** She started, her voice small as she traced the patterns on the sheet, her fingers grazing ever so slightly the skin of the other girl’s – tentative. She just knew the other woman needed her now. **“You need to wake up soon, everyone is starting to get worried and I…”** Hesitating, she laced Chaewon’s little finger with her own – it wasn’t cold, just a subtle warmth irradiating from the skin just like it should be. **“I need you here. Right now, I’m very confused, and Yena says you always looked after me.”** The selfish confession left her lips as she glanced at Chae’s face, she was supposed to be the one helping the other girl, but she also needed her. **“I know you are going through a lot as well, but if you were here, we could do it together. I just really need to meet you, so _please_ , please just...Just come back to me.”**

Of course, saying things to a person in a coma was a cruel thing, a painful monologue that wasn’t supposed to get an answer, just to voice her deepest wishes.

Closing her eyes, she braved up to hold Chaewon’s hand properly, hoping that maybe her warmth could reach the girl just like her words, and it could somehow bring her back. Chaewon didn’t move, but the feeling of having their hands laced together was good and familiar, the voice in the back of Minjoo’s mind calling her once more, comforting her.

She just knew Chaewon was still with her.

* * *

**“Can we tell her now or not?”** Minjoo woke up to Yena’s voice whisper-shouting.

She blinked, her eyes adapting to the morning light. She had fallen asleep late last night, with her eyes hurting due to all the crying and body stiff for seating by Chaewon’s bed for so long – part of her hoped she would eventually receive an answer, even the slightly move would be enough, but all she got was the steady beep of the monitors as Chaewon slept soundly. It didn’t help that her dreams were infested with Chaewon – so many images that she wasn’t sure if they were memories or just her imagination, making her head spin with so much information. It wasn’t like a movie, but like puzzle pieces, tiny fragments that formed a much bigger picture.

She wondered if she would ever be able to understand it.

 **“I don’t know. It’s still too early and she was worried about Chaewon yesterday…”** Eunbi’s voice sounded, she was Chaewon’s cousin and her only family member who had been visiting since the accident. The serious tone in her voice sent a shiver through Minjoo’s body.

What about Chaewon? She was completely fine when Minjoo went to sleep, just a few hours prior.

 **“But she needs to know. What will she think when she wakes up and sees the bed empty?”** Yuri’s voice, the husky and friendly tone didn’t bring Minjoo the usual comfort.

She felt her blood turn cold, body stiff as she sat down on her bed and made herself noticed. Her eyes ignored the three surprised girls to look over and check if what they said was true – clean sheets, neatly organized just like the pillow, with no signal that anyone had ever occupied that bed in the first place. Her breath got stuck inside her lungs as she frantically looked around, but found nothing.

 **“What happened to her? Where is she?”** She asked, her voice growing loud as her desperation did. She couldn’t even explain why, but the pain inside her chest was so strong now, stronger than whatever the accident could have done to her. So much for wanting to be there for Chaewon, in the end she might have lost her when she was right by her side.

 **“Minjoo, calm down. We didn’t mean to wake you up.”** Yuri said, her eyes big as she gently patted Minjoo’s arm. Yena nodded in agreement, giving her a nervous smile.

Eunbi tried to talk to her, but Minjoo could see the worry in her eyes. **“Please, let’s just wait for the doctor first.”**

Not minding her friends, Minjoo left the bed and was ready to rush outside the room. There was no time for sugar coated words. She was trying her best to not break down, she wouldn’t just sit there and wait until the doctor came back with the gloomy news. **“Eunbi, just tell me. Is she...”** Swallowing the tears that infested her throat, she completed: **“Dead?”**

The three friends exchanged glances, as if asking what they should say and Minjoo closed her hands into fists, bracing herself for the news.

The news came to her though.

 **“Who is dead?”** Another voice asked, light and curious just like the big chestnut eyes that now stared right back at them. **“I’m sorry for worrying you, Min. These women kidnapped me when they noticed I was trying to get out of bed.”** There she was, Kim Chaewon looking back at her as if she had just come back from a friendly chat with friends and not a series of tests with a bunch of doctors – if it wasn’t for the wheelchair and the pale tone of her skin, no one would be able to tell.

Minjoo felt herself shaking, a hand coming to cover her mouth as she watched the other with a mix of shock and relief.

The older Kim gave her a warm smile, her eyes expectant as she tilted her head to get a better look at her girlfriend. **“Did you miss me?”**

* * *

* * *

**“Minjoo unnie!”** Yujin greeted her with a big smile, climbing the seat beside Minjoo on the bench and making the older woman smile at her, surprised but glad to see the kid.

Minjoo was having another long morning at the hospital, hiding in the garden so none of her friends could find her and ask the damned question that seemed to be haunting her – ‘did you remember anything?’, hurt every time because she felt like she was disappointing everyone when she admitted that in fact her mind was still a blank space most of the time.

 **“Oh, hey, Yujinnie! How was your session today?”** Yujin, however, was an exception, after all the kid just met her a few weeks ago and she didn’t have any expectations for her – it was a little embarrassing that her closest friend now was a nine-year-old.

The kid shrugged her shoulders, her hand coming to touch the point on her arm where there was an animal band-aid, indicating she had received some kind of treatment. “ **They had to poke me with the needle again, so I got some candy.”** She said simply and Minjoo nodded in understanding. She had learned quite a bit about the young Ahn in the last couple of weeks, like the fact that the kid pretty much lived at the hospital due to her still on-going heart treatment and the fact that she was placed in foster care, what meant that her only company most of the time were the nurses and doctors there – what explained why the kid seemed so comfortable to follow them around all the time, it was probably the closest thing of playing with friends she had there. **“Want some?”**

Shaking her head with a smile, she hugged the kid by the shoulders. Yujin reminded her that her situation wasn’t that bad, the kid was fighting a far scarier battle and still didn’t let it steal her natural spark. **“You know, you are a really strong girl, Yujin.”**

 **“Of course, I am! Crying doesn’t help you to get healthy, so I don’t do it anymore.”** Yujin said proudly, the smile was still on her face as if she truly believed her words, but there was a hint of sadness in the big brown eyes – she was still just a kid after all. **“But aren’t you okay now? Why are you still sad?”**

 **“I am fine, it’s just...complicated.”** Giving her an awkward smile, Minjoo tried to dismiss her words – way to go, she couldn’t even fool a kid, imagine if she met one of her friends or Chaewon.

 **“Is it because of the pretty unnie who slept for a long time?”** Yujin tried to guess, curiosity evident as she tried hard to think about the reasons for Minjoo’s sadness. **“She has eyes like,”** The kid pointed at her own face as she squinted her eyes to imitate Chaewon’s cheetah-like features – Yujin looked more like a puppy though. “ **But she is nice! She gave me some money to buy soft drinks yesterday!”**

Letting out a quiet chuckle, Minjoo felt herself relax a bit with Yujin’s antics. **“I don’t think any of you were supposed to be drinking this kind of stuff…But you are right, she is nice.”** Nodding more to herself than to the kid, she let her gaze travel back to the hospital building where Chaewon should be at.

After the girl woke up, they didn’t have that much time together, with so many people coming and going and so many tests to be done – still, Chaewon kept on smiling and waving at her, letting out some silly comments to break the ice once they were alone. The truth be told, Minjoo felt uncomfortable being around her when she didn’t know how she was supposed to behave around the girlfriend she couldn’t remember, but Chaewon looked like the type that was hard to ignore. **“Really nice if she is even bribing kids to buy her soft drinks.”**

The kid nodded, clearly excited to have a new buddy to hang out with at the ever so quiet hospital. **“Is it true that you guys are getting married?”**

The sudden question threw Minjoo off, making her stiffen up as she wondered what she should say. Would they get married? Could she even marry someone she could barely remember? The Minjoo before the accident seemed so sure of it, ready for a nice life together, but the Minjoo today was only a shadow of that person. She wondered if Chaewon would even want to marry her once she realized she couldn’t remember her or their time together.

For some reason, the thought made her unease.

 **“Of course, we will!”** As if to take away any doubts Minjoo had, Chaewon just showed up right in time, armed with an easy smile that made her cheeks go up in a gentle curve, and a metal stick she was using for support – Minjoo wondered if she had just ran away from one of the nurses. **“And you are invited, but first, all of us need to get better. I don’t like hospitals enough to get married here.”** Taking a seat beside Minjoo in the empty space at the bench, she shamelessly winked at her. **“Good morning, MinMin.”**

Chaewon looked so at ease, as if she was greeting her after a day of work, and not at a hospital barely two days after waking up from a coma. Minjoo knew that the Chae was informed about her condition, yet she could never spot any signal of distress in her expression or even annoyance and frustration – was this the Chaewon she had fallen for? The kind and playful one? So resilient not even such bad luck could make her waver? No wonder.

 **“Really?! Can I really go?”** Yujin’s excitement was evident as she jumped up and down in front of the young couple, it wasn’t like she could just leave the hospital any day, the more to go to a nice event like that.

Chaewon smiled, amused at her reaction before nodding. **“Sure, Yujin. We just don’t know when it will happen yet.”** She sounded confident and calm, while Minjoo could just nod as well, not wanting to ruin the moment for the kid.

 **“So cool!”** Yujin jumped one more time, her little fist closed as she punched the air excitedly. **“I will tell nurse Cherry about it! She never allows me to go anywhere but she will if I tell her you guys invited me.”** Just like that, the kid ran to go look for the said nurse, leaving behind the couple that admired her energetic behavior that wasn’t expected from a sick child. Yujin was really one of a kind.

 **“Did I say too much?”** Chaewon asked once Yujin was no longer in sight, her expression more serious now that she faced the younger Kim with attentive eyes. **“I just had to assert dominance, that guy was looking at you too much.”** Of course, she added to make the question less serious, gesturing towards an old man who was sitting in his wheelchair a few meters away.

Humor seemed to be Chaewon’s way of dealing with their current situation – Minjoo was both glad and slightly confused by it.

Averting her gaze from the old man, who looked like he was sleeping, she faced Chaewon again. **“It is fine, it’s no secret we were getting married.”**

 **“Were?”** Lifting an eyebrow, Chaewon’s smile hesitated for a second, before she went back to her composed expression. **“It’s fine, you don’t have to fake it, you know?”** Chaewon gently reached for her hand, not taking it, but instead only patting it lightly as if to comfort her. **“You may not remember me, but I know you really well.”**

 **“I’m sorry.”** Minjoo said quietly, lowering her eyes to their hands – Chaewon’s still had some bandage attached to it, looking frail and pale; yet here she was trying to comfort her. She didn’t feel comforted, but guilty. Not remembering was hard, but being the one forgotten should hurt even more. **“I don’t know why I am like that. I wish I could just-”**

 **“I was the one driving. My mother was the one acting crazy. And the sky was the one throwing stones at us. But you don’t see anyone cursing the sky, do you?”** Chaewon cut her off, voice calm as she let her hand rest on the back of Minjoo’s. The chestnut eyes were gentle, patient and tainted by the hint of sadness now. **“It’s not your fault. It was just bad luck, very bad luck.”** With a stiff smile, she squeezed Min’s hand for a quick moment. **“I’m just glad I could wake up and you’re still here and you’re fine.”**

 **“Really bad luck.”** She echoed, her free hand taking Chaewon’s, trying to bring the same comfort the girl was trying to give her. Her memories of Chaewon were only of smiles and a musical voice, yet ever since she woke up, Minjoo had taken in every detail about her to try and form an image that matched her memories – she couldn’t do it yet, but everything she knew about Chaewon so far made easy to understand why her heart responded so well to her. **“But I still can’t remember you, or anything much really, and I can’t help but to feel sorry.”**

 **“You can feel upset, irritated or even furious. But don’t feel sorry. I don’t want you looking at me like that.”** Chae’s eyes became softer as her lips curved in a smile that was a bit hesitant, leaving her façade aside for a moment. **“I can help to explain everything you want to know, and when the time is right, you will remember.”** A hand came to caress Minjoo’s cheek softly. The touch, like most things about Chaewon, felt familiar and nice.

Min found herself not holding in the urge to go in for a hug, needing this kind of proximity. Her mind didn’t remember Chaewon, but her heart did and it was desperate for some care now.

Chaewon didn’t seem to find it surprisingly at all, instead she held her close to the chest, hands caressing Minjoo’s back for a long while. The younger felt herself relaxing, as if she had just found a safe place and her mind could be – for the first time in weeks – at ease. Closing her eyes, she heard once more the sound of Chaewon’s voice inside her mind, but this time it was accompanied by the clear image of her face close to hers, arms wrapped around her waist and smile as bright as the sunlight that invaded the small room they were sharing every morning….The memory came like a flash, and went away as quickly, just another little fragment of reality.

Maybe it would be like that, very slowly, but eventually she would be able to remember – she hoped it would be like that.

 **“So, want to hear me boost about _all_ my flaws first or what?”** Chaewon’s voice took her out of her thoughts, her tone light and eyes hopeful as she broke the embrace to face her with expectant eyes.

Minjoo couldn’t help but smile at her sweet attempt of helping while also keeping things light and easy to deal with – she didn’t need memories to know that falling for Chaewon was very easy. **“Yes, please.”**

Grinning like a kid, the older Kim sat straight and started to talk, hands gesturing as if she was telling a grand story. **“Well, then listen up! First of all, I’m very stubborn...In case it is not obvious yet...”**

And just like that, they had their very first talk – that Minjoo could recall –, and albeit she mostly just heard what Chaewon said instead of trying to return the favor with whatever she could remember about herself, it was an enjoyable one. Speaking to Chaewon was easy and nice, enjoying her humor and the feeling of her around was easy. Before she realized it, the morning went by in a blink of an eye.

A new start didn’t sound so bad.

* * *

* * *

Minjoo yawned once she arrived at the door of her apartment, feeling a little sleep after a long session at the hospital. She had been discharged around two months ago and things were changing fast.

First, leaving the hospital meant coming back to an unfamiliar house – Chaewon’s house, the apartment they used to share ever since she moved in a year ago, according to Chaewon herself. Her mother suggested that she could simply move back home until she felt better to live on her own, but Minjoo decided to accept going back with Chaewon, for a few reasons. Going to her mom’s house wouldn’t help her to remember her new life – and by now she could recall most things about her childhood, these memories coming easily, different from the most recent ones. She hoped that living with Chaewon would trigger her memories of the two of them and everything else in her present life.

There was also the fact that Chaewon was still recovering and that silly, illogical fear that something might happen to her when Minjoo was away, wouldn’t let her be separated from the other woman. Maybe love brought up her most clingy and protective self, maybe she still felt guilty, one way or another, she couldn’t leave Chaewon on her own now.

Therefore, they made a deal – Chaewon’s idea. They would live just like roommates, friends who hang out together, using this chance to get to know each other again. The deal wasn’t ideal, after all the house was full of things to remind Minjoo constantly that they were a couple, from pictures to matching items and, of course, Chaewon herself.

The older Kim was very considerate and respectful, but she clearly had affectionate habits that were often hard to control. Minjoo would find herself engulfed in hugs, receiving cheek kisses in the morning and ‘I love you’s every night before going to sleep – to not mention all the many pet-names Chaewon had for her. Although some of it took her by surprise at times, most of the time Minjoo enjoyed the little things that made her feel loved and cherished. If sometimes it made her feel burdened, Chaewon seemed to be able to notice right away and would apologize and give her space; Minjoo usually broke the said space by preparing them some hot-chocolate or offering Chaewon to order some food, what worked surprisingly well.

Slowly, they created a comfortable routine. Minjoo was still visiting the hospital religiously to try and get her memories back – and to visit the adorable Ahn Yujin, who was still a dear friend to her. But she was also getting back to work on all the old pictures she had taken before the accident, her talent to see beauty and capture it was still there, like the knowledge about editing inside her brain, therefore she could focus all those feelings on her portfolio. It was good to distract herself, and she was happy to learn that seeing the pictures she took was one of the best ways to help the memories to come back – just like a movie, every picture seemed to be associated with a certain moment of her life and she would marvel at every little second she could get back.

It wasn’t perfect, after all she could recall silly things like the time she slipped and fell at the hallway, or a scene of the drama she was watching at the time, but couldn’t remember things like her first kiss with Chaewon or even the day she proposed. The memories were random and albeit she was starting to get good at this puzzle game that her brain was playing, it was still a little frustrating – especially considering she thought that moving with Chaewon would help, yet she would remember things from her childhood instead.

Of course, there were some memories of the two of them, here and there. Small bits of conversations, images of them holding hands or even the feeling of cuddling, but those were still too vague. She tried to not focus on the frustration and enjoy her slow progress, just like she was learning to enjoy her new life.

Her and Chae would often talk about anything and nothing, even the things she remembered. Chaewon would also check her pictures and give her enthusiastic feedback, while Minjoo would ask her about many things – sometimes random ones, just because she liked to hear Chaewon speaking and learn, even if only a bit, more about the girl.

It was a comfortable life, one that allowed them to bond well together, be it through talking, cooking together and sharing the house chores, or even going for a short walk around the neighborhood to visit their close friends and for Minjoo to test her camera – it was almost like having their own little world, and it was easy to get comfortable there.

This world was almost perfect, if not for the few awkward moments like when Chaewon would mention something she couldn’t remember, or when they would get a little too close and tension would become too strong to ignore; or even when Minjoo’s mom would show up and ask way too many questions – her mother meant well and she was always looking after them, but it was a bit stressing have to inform that they were still just friends _without_ benefits.

Minjoo didn’t want to add extra tension to their relationship, she wanted to give Chaewon a good life and be good to her like the girl was to Minjoo – and she knew how much Chaewon was struggling to do it. Not only she had to deal with the trauma from the accident and Minjoo’s condition, she had to do it mainly alone since her family wasn’t there for her now; and it might as well be Minjoo’s fault. Chae fought with her family for them and the few brief memories she had of such an event, weren’t good ones.

Chaewon was also working from home now, staying in front of the computer as she wrote papers and all sorts of stuff Minjoo didn’t quite understand. She was some sort of physical therapist, but according to Eunbi, Chaewon was currently out of work since the hospital she used to work at belonged to no other than her mother – Chaewon refused to give her any details about her family, just saying that everything was ‘fine’ now, yet she would always come back extra tired after visiting them. It seemed like they were trying to make amends, but Chaewon wasn’t quite convinced yet.

The accident had shocked Chaewon’s family and made them forget about their arrogant ways for once, but it was at a very high price. Minjoo hadn’t met Chaewon’s mother even since – at least, until today.

She found mother and daughter standing at the living room, both with stiff expressions as they exchanged what looked like a very awkward goodbye – one she unintentionally ruined with her arrival. **“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”**

 **“It’s fine. Mom was leaving already.”** Chaewon said, her voice gentle, but without the usual light tone to it.

The elder woman looked from her daughter to Minjoo, pursing her lips into a thin line – Minjoo could recall that expression, from the only memory of Chaewon’s family she had, the disapproval look from someone who didn’t find a girl like her good enough for her daughter. It didn’t look like things had changed much.

Yet, the woman was polite enough to bow to her briefly. **“Minjoo, I’m glad you’re doing well now.”** Her voice was robotic, the eyes that were so similar to Chaewon’s didn’t carry the same warmth, albeit Minjoo could notice she was trying to come off less intimidating. **“I hope we can see each other soon. Chaewon’s dad will be celebrating his birthday soon and the family should be there.”** The invitation, a little too arrogant, was something far better than the dismissive words she expected to hear from the woman – especially in the current situation.

 **“I…Sure, ma’am. Thank you.”** Bowing politely, she managed to say as Chaewon swiftly opened the door to send the woman off.

The silence filled the room once the door was closed, the girl with chestnut eyes sighing as she rested against it. **“You know, the last time that I went there I told her that I would only come back if my family was with me.”** Chaewon confessed, a small smile on her face. **“I guess she understood what I meant.”**

Minjoo couldn’t help but smile, they weren’t even living as an official couple, yet Chaewon never seemed to doubt them – even standing up to her mother. There was no doubt the older girl loved her and Min could only be glad for having such a supportive lover.

Even if her memories didn’t come back entirely, one thing she was sure: she wouldn’t have picked anyone else but Chaewon to share her life with. Baby steps were leading them back to each other’s arms and she felt ready for it, ready to accept this and to stop worrying about the past – as long as Chae also felt the same.

 **“Did you see Yujin today?”** Chaewon asked, changing the topic easily as she came near Minjoo to steal from her hands the plastic bags with food that the girl had brought them. **“I talked to her yesterday. She is teaching me how to play a game.”**

 **“Oh yeah, she told me about it.”** Her non-official-girlfriend and kid-best-friend got along just fine, exchanging messages and Chaewon ever went to visit Yujin with her a few times – it was funny because Chaewon claimed to be bad with kids, but these two clearly clicked just fine. Minjoo found them quite a lovely duo. **“She looked a bit sad today, but I guess it’s because she was feeling lonely there. She is the only kid at her ward at the moment.”** She pondered, remembering Yujin’s expression lacking the usual energy today, maybe she should call her later.

 **“It must be hard to be a child in her situation without parents to support her.”** Chaewon added, furrowing her brow a bit as she started to set the plates for them to eat. **“I think I would be a crying mess if I was in her place.”** Shaking her head slightly, she gestured for Minjoo to sit down. **“I have been thinking about buying her some stuff to play. Do you think the nurse would take it away if I got her a new phone?”**

 **“She is a special kid.”** Minjoo agreed, giving Chaewon a smile at her words – the nurse wouldn’t be happy to see Yujin with a bigger and louder phone, but she doubted the woman would be able to say no to the puppy-tiger duo. **“I will talk to her about it. But, let’s eat first, we can message her later.”**

* * *

**“Can I come in?”** Minjoo asked after knocking lightly on the door of Chaewon’s room – it used to be her office, but she had been sleeping there ever since Minjoo came back because they only had one bedroom – Minjoo insisted she could stay in the bedroom and she would be the one using the office, but it was of no use and Chaewon insisted that she should stay in the room she had more memories of. Honestly, they could’ve stayed in the same room, but Minjoo felt awakened at first and as time went by, she just didn’t know how to bring up the topic.

It was about time to move on from the past and tonight she was going for a change of plans.

Chaewon told her to come in and the younger Kim did, eyes looking around and noticing that Chaewon was already in bed – the sofa-bed she had been using; the girl had sat down and was now giving her a lazy smile that matched her messy hair. **“Do you need anything, Min?”**

Shaking her head slowly, the brunette braved up, entering the room properly and closing the door behind her, approaching the bed with light steps. Gingerly, she climbed up the bed and closer to Chaewon. **“I was wondering if you would mind if I slept here today.”** The shy request made her cheeks red – it was almost pathetic, after all she was talking to the one woman she used to sleep beside everyday, however having a few memories of a couple of moments together wasn’t the same as living it today.

The other woman’s reply was to simply hit the spot near her and wait for Minjoo to join her, what the younger did with no hesitation now. They had hugged several times and it always felt _right_ , being embraced by Chaewon now felt even better. Chae involved her with her arms, pulling her close to her chest and Min quickly found the perfect spot on her shoulder, arms coming to hug Chaewon’s waist – if the proximity made her heart skip a beat, she didn’t mind it at all, actually she quite liked it.

Cuddling with Chaewon was all about warmth, safety and the light fragrance of…was it baby powder with a hint of mint? An odd scent, but that somehow matched Chaewon just fine. Minjoo wondered what took her so long to give in to the temptation of having a moment like this when her body and heart clearly ached for it.

 **“Do I look so pitiful today that you decided to comfort me with cuddles?”** Chaewon asked after a few moments of silence, hands gently caressing Min’s back, just like her eyes inspected her face with a hint of seriousness making the bright chestnut slightly darker.

 **“You do look like you need a hug, but I’m here because I like being close to you.”** She replied honestly. Chaewon had been quieter than usual during dinner, a pensive look in her eyes as they ate, and the girl just went back to her room after eating instead of sticking around Minjoo like she usually did. It didn’t take a genius to know the visit from her mother in law was affecting Chaewon. **“Are you okay?”**

 **“Yeah, just tired of bad luck I guess.”** The older Kim confessed.

The last few months had taken a toll on her, first her parents ruining what was supposed to be a happy moment with their stupid arrogance, then the accident came and suddenly everything was painful and hard – having to deal with her mother insensitivity only worsened it. Although the woman had given up on breaking apart her relationship with Minjoo, she still insisted on bringing Chaewon back to work with the family and albeit Chae liked the job, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be close to her relatives just yet.

 **“My mom may look like that, but she is harmless. Just sulking because I didn’t do as she wanted.”** Shrugging her shoulders, Chaewon played with Minjoo’s hair as she kept a thoughtful expression. She knew that, deep down, her mother was just overly protective because she loved her – but it didn’t excuse her behavior. The accident had hit her hard, but it would take years for the older woman to fix her ways. **“Guilt is doing wonders on her.”**

The younger brunette nodded slowly, her mind flashed with another snip of the past – one featuring Chaewon and her mother having a heated argument as Minjoo tried to easy the tension, but only received harsh words from her mother-in-law instead. She closed her eyes, deciding to ignore the memory. She could live without remembering all the times Chaewon mom said how ‘unfit’ she was for her daughter.

 **“I think she really regrets it, in her own way.”** She said instead, hugging Chaewon a bit closer and snuggling up to her – she wanted some memories like that back, if she was to lose some of her past, she would rather for it to be the bitter parts. **“You deserve a nice family to be there for you.”** A family who wouldn’t burden her with unnecessary prejudice, or only cherish her when something bad happened.

Chaewon deserved all the best and Minjoo wanted to be part of it.

 **“I already got you.”** The reply came easily, Chaewon smiling at her just barely, her eyes serious albeit she still caressed Minjoo’s back and hair. Min could feel her hands slowly coming to a stop, as the older Kim’s expression became solemn. **“You don’t need to remember me now. You don’t even need to acknowledge us as more than friends yet.”** Chaewon held her a little tighter, her warm breath against Minjoo’s face as she whispered softly. The words were genuine, just like the affection and persistence in her gaze. **“I just need you to stay and give me a chance to bring you back, just like you did with me.”**

The words didn’t surprise Minjoo at all, Chaewon was never discreet with her intentions and Minjoo felt ready to take the next step now. If the first time they fell in love it happened almost instantly – the memory of Chaewon’s sweet voice calling her name being the one thing Minjoo could never forget, even when her mind tried so hard to hide it –, this time wasn’t much different. Her heart never failed them, even if her brain was a little slower.

Kissing Chaewon’s cheek lightly, she decided it was time to be honest. **“I don’t think it would be possible to forget you entirely. I know it’s not much, but I remember some things now, even if what I see doesn’t seem to make much sense most of the time, it still makes me feel good about us.”** The admission came with an apologetic smile, perhaps the guilt for forgetting her lover would never vanish entirely, but she was more confident now – about them, if not her ability to remember. **“But what if I never get all of my memories back? Will you be okay with only having this Minjoo and not the one you fell for?”**

The bright chestnut of Chaewon’s eyes sparkled as she heard her speak, the girl moving so she could face her properly. **“Then it will be okay as long as you fall for me again.”** Chaewon kissed her cheek loving, Minjoo bringing her closer by instinct. She couldn’t remember how, or when it happened, but all she knew it was that for her it felt so natural to have Chaewon close – and she didn’t want to lose this feeling.

Minjoo smiled, now without any reservations, chocolate-brown eyes gazing at Chaewon fondly. Her hand found the way to Chaewon’s face, palm touching the soft skin of her cheeks and slowly tracing the familiar features, the touch sparkling not only the tiny flashes of memories in the back of her head, but also all the warm feelings only Chaewon could bring her. Minjoo’s heart was beating steadily, calm and happy to be around the one person it could respond so wonderfully to.

 **“I don’t think it will be a problem.”** And as to emphasize her words, she gently pulled Chaewon’s face closer for a kiss – sweet, loving and so full of want and longing.

It was their first kiss for this new version of her, but her lips still kissed Chaewon like they used to, finding the perfect match in Chaewon’s as the girl kissed her back with more passion than calm– she didn’t mind it at all, she had missed being close to her as well. She missed her a whole lot.

The kiss went from a peck, to an intense one that made Minjoo’s heart light, body filled with heat and her head spinning – with both, the strength of the emotion and all sorts of memories she couldn’t, and wouldn’t bother to, organize right now. Her hands touched Chaewon more and more, arms hugging her so close it was almost impossible to breathe, but so good she never wanted to let go. Chaewon made it even better by returning all the love.

Time was irrelevant now, overrated and silly, when all on their minds was each other, and they had so much to experience together – again. Therefore, Minjoo just followed her heart, deciding her mind could take the backseat for a while as she just enjoyed the sweetness of the present and everything it brought her.

If later that night some ‘I love you’s were whispered back and forth, it just sounded as natural and right as it could ever be. A scene that would repeat herself for the rest of their lives.

* * *

* * *

**_ Five years later  _ **

The sun was high up in the sky when they took their seats by the bleachers, the sound of conversation and laughter building the atmosphere of what would be a great day. Minjoo felt excitement filling her body as she looked around, preparing her camera to take pictures.

Oh yeah, she was very much a proud mother and no one would take this pleasure away from her. She had some tough competition though.

“ **Go Yujin, get them!”** Chaewon screamed as she waved a big and blue plastic finger into the air, more embarrassing than encouraging. But their daughter didn’t seem to mind it.

The kid, who wasn’t that much of a kid anymore – Yujin remembered them daily that she was pretty much a grown up now that she had just turned fourteen; clearly, the couple didn’t get the message –, waved back at them with a big smile that showed her dimples. Yujin was already wearing her uniform for the race, a simple one that she was so proud of, her skin marked by a healthy tan after so much time running on these tracks.

Yujin was discharged from the hospital around four years ago, and she was with the young couple for three years now, all of those with constantly improving health.

Adopting so early wasn’t in the plans for the Kim’s, but what ever was? Meeting Yujin at the hospital had been fate, maybe the greatest thing that they could take away from that experience. As Minjoo slowly regained her memories, she built new ones and Yujin was part of many of them, just like Chaewon. When they had the chance of providing the kid a good home and the love she deserved, all it took them – the three of them, since the decision was made with Yujin’s approval – was a single conversation and the rest was all paperwork.

If Chaewon’s family didn’t approve it at first, none of them bothered asking for permission – and surprisingly, their blessing came in the form of many gifts for the kid and a very awkward, yet caring grandmother. Now the woman would even stop by for dinner at times and instead of fighting about serious matters, now they only fought for Yujin’s attention.

Life had changed a lot, but Minjoo couldn’t be any happier than now.

 **“It’s a race, she is not wrestling the other competitors.”** She told her wife, amused at Chaewon’s way of encouraging their kid.

Chaewon leaned closer so she could reply, her voice mischievous. **“It’s all about mind games, you wouldn’t know because you suck at sports.”**

Of course she received a light slap on the arm as a result of such insult – even if it was technically correct. **“Shut up!”** Clinging to Chaewon’s arm, she shifted her gaze back to Yujin who was now talking to some of her teammates **. “She looks really happy.”**

 **“Of course, she always wanted to do it and she can finally do it now.”** Chaewon commented, recalling how much Yujin had been excited about such mundane things such as going to school and joining a club – those were small things for most, but real achievements for a kid who had fought for her life for such a long time. Chae smiled, proud of her daughter. But Yujin wasn’t the only family member she was proud of. **“You also look very happy.”**

“ **I am.”** Minjoo admitted easily, leaning to peck Chaewon’s lips lightly. Five years ago, Chaewon had been just a stranger to her, now she was a fundamental part of her life. Five years ago, it was hard to imagine she could rebuild her life like this, that she would be able to live happily even if all her memories never came back and she had to accept that maybe they never would. **“I’m living my dream here too.”**

Chaewon hugged her by the shoulders, her lips curved in a fond smile as she kissed her cheek. **“Being here with me watching our baby daughter trying to flirt with her baby crush?”** She subtly gestured the duo on the field, both girls so tall, yet still adorable like babies as they awkwardly talked to each other and Yujin blushed profusely – she was definitely still their baby.

Min chuckled lightly, shaking her head slowly. **“Yeah, I couldn’t ask for anything better.”**

Fate works in such bizarre ways, testing one's faith and bravery, but it could bring happiness in the most unexpected forms if you give it a chance. Minjoo had learned to appreciate it, moreover, she had learned to enjoy her present and cherish it like the gift it was.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. I actually started doing it as a one scene only thing for the clowns back at the server, so it was definitely not planned, but I end up adding and adding more to it. Honestly, everyone knows I don’t like amnesia as a plot device, so I tried to keep it as grounded and keep the drama to a minimum (yeah, ofc the only Yujin you would see here is our adorable baby one!). Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it.
> 
> Thanks again to the people that made it possible @egghycok and @eyeson2kim on twitter. Special thanks to Mint who asked me to continue it and that’s why we got 5k words more.
> 
> Thanks everyone who read too. If you want to talk to me you know where to find me, but I’m not doing requests/commissions for now since I need to update TYE first. See you all soon!


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